Friday, August 28, 2015

Home?

Originally this post was supposed to be "two weeks home" then that extended to another unwritten "one month home" and now I am at almost two months home and I am finally getting around to writing this. Part of my procrastination can be blamed on business; I work full time as a lifeguard and part time at a restaurant. The other part is mental availability. Ever since I can remember the way I have dealt with negative emotions is just to push them off until I have to deal with them; writing this blogpost would be considered dealing with them. While I wouldn't consider myself ready to write this, I have the morning off and I move into college on Monday.

My first night home was very surreal; I felt like I was walking through a dream. Familiar faces, well known spaces, it felt the same but I was different. It was also hot and for the next month I complained about the heat at every chance I got. Scandinavian summers stay in the high sixties to low seventies and I was sweating on an average Minnesotan day. The next thing that got to me was the food, everything was too salty or too sweet. I couldn't even drink a glass of lemonade without having to water it down. After that I struggled with smell. I have confirmed this with other rebounds and America smells. Its not a bad smell, its just that there is a smell and everything smells. Lastly, everything was so big. My mom took me shopping at the Burnsville Mall and I felt like I was having an anxiety attack. There were so many people and so many stores, it was too much to handle. I was actually scared to go into a Walmart for the first time. But it isn't all bad; I can drive again, I get free water at restaurants, I am not getting taxed through the nose, we have air conditioning. Its nice sometimes.

Coming back emotionally has not been as easy as finding less salty alternatives. I was told over and over and over again that when you come back you're different but everything else is the same. I brushed it off like it would be a piece of cake but its not. My reactions, my ideals, my political standing, my views of religion, basically everything has changed. I have gotten in fights with my mom over the size of our military. I have taken a huge interest in social welfare on a national and global level and I have worked harder this summer than I have in my entire life, but this is so I can buy my return ticket. Another thing that I am struggling with is the lack of people that want to hear about Denmark. With my family, they are always interested and always listen to my stories, but my friends now shut me down every time I mention anything regarding Denmark. I had one friend fall asleep while I was showing them pictures. For me, having people react like this undermines my year and has made it harder to come home. Lastly, I struggle with the confusion in my emotions. I don't understand what I am feeling and trying to put it into words comes out completely scattered. There is a lot of confusion in this. Part of me feels like I am simply waiting until I can leave again and the other part just feels down. There are times when I'll break out crying but I couldn't tell you why. When I got pulled over (didn't get a ticket) I came home bawling saying "this wouldn't have happened in Denmark." The coming home struggle is no where near over but I am learning to deal with it. I am learning to take a step back in certain situations and figure out what is it that is really upsetting me. I am learning to only mention Denmark if it is extremely relevant. I am learning how to live a multicultural life.

I move into the dorms on Monday and it is starting to feel like the cliche "one door closes another door opens." While I am moving on to a new chapter in my life, I will never forget Denmark. My memories and experiences will follow me wherever I go for the rest of my life, whether that be hanging my Danish flag in my dorm room or the simplicity of a memory. 

Jeg savner Danmark og haber vi ses snart


Outside Aalborg Lufthavn

Our last family selfie

The final result

Its not all bad. Night at the races.

*comes home from exchange and works a 50+ hour work week*

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Leaving

Current location: 37,998 feet over the North Atlantic - 329 days later.

At the start of this year, I thought leaving the US was the bravest thing I have ever done; I can now tell you that I am wrong. Leaving Denmark is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. Creating a life, being immersed into a new culture, turning strangers into family, and then having to say goodbye and leave them and all of this behind, to me that takes more strength then I can even comprehend. Not knowing when and if I will go back and realizing that after I leave, it will never be the same, this pains me. I am emotionally exhausted, I have said more goodbyes than I can count, I am nervous for what is to come. I continue to push towards positive thoughts: I am so lucky to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard, I get to hug my mom again, drive myself around, and eat chipotle. However, none of these optimistic thoughts help push past the reality that is set in front of me. I was not, and am still not ready to leave. This feeling is inexplicable – I am hoping that my rambling on can help you understand everything in my mind.

Besides all the goodbyes, my last two weeks were some of the most memorable. Student week flew by, with parties every night and an extreme amount of sleep deprivation. I also managed to make it to Aarhus and Aalborg one last time. I got to see Skagen, where the two seas meet, in the sunlight. My last day, was one of the best of exchange; my day started with horseback riding with Ditte and Isabella - I made it to a gallop without falling off. We laid in the sun for a while then my host family made the best last supper anyone could ask for: Danish Christmas food. We had fleskestej and risalamonde; hopefully I can repeat these dishes for my American family. Afterwards we made a kageman to celebrate my upcoming birthday, then ended up skinny dipping with strangers. Truly a night for the story books.

This past year I have lived more than I have in my almost nineteen years on this planet. I have laughed and cried more than ever before. I learned things I never would have imagined. I have learned to eat with both a fork and a knife simultaneously. Between waiting for busses, trains, and messages between time zones, I have learned patience. I have learned the value of a friendship and that family doesn’t always mean people with the same blood type as you. I have learned how to keep a clean internet profile. I learned how easy it is to forget, and to counteract this by taking too many pictures. I have found who I am, and who I want to become.

I will never forget Denmark or the many things it taught me. I will never forget crying over a missed bus and laughing uncontrollably with my new best friends. I will never forget the first time I felt at home in a place that was so new and unknown to me.

Danmark, jeg elkser dig og jeg haber jeg vil komme tilbage hurtig.

Vi ses snart.

AFS Goodbye

Denmark's West Coast

Airport Selfieeeee

I am really going to miss Denmark

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Sejltur

Although this was over a week ago, it feels like sailing tour ended just yesterday. Sailing tour was very different from any trip I have ever taken for a couple of reasons: A. we were on a historical, and protected sail boat B. there were thirty some of us, living in very tight quarters (two bathrooms, triple bunk beds with about two feet in between), and C. we were responsible for doing everything; cooking, cleaning, sailing. Obviously we had some direction but we were told on the first day "the exchange students are the crew and everyone else is a guest." The boats we were sailing on were LOA and the Jens Krouch. We were too many people so we had to separate. I was on LOA but the Jens Krouch had around twelve people and no climbing towers.

On the first day we were divided into three teams of around ten people and were given a schedule so there would always be a team on free time, with work duty or on deck sailing. Working meant cleaning the ship, or cooking the next meal. There was a chef watching over us so we wouldn't screw anything up but the food was always delicious - one night we had Danish Christmas food for dinner. While you were on free time, most people would nap or hang out but I would normally choose to spend my time on deck because I loved sailing so much. Most of the other girls didn't want to do as much work so I was normally needed out there anyways. The ship had six square sails and four triangle sails. To get out to the sails, you would need to climb up one of the towers. You were only secured when you were sitting on one of the platforms or working out on the masts, but not while climbing. It was terrifying the first few times I climbed up because the ladder is made of rope so it moves with the waves and shakes in the wind. At the top of the ladder, you switch directions in climbing so you are now are climbing at a sixty degree angle (if that makes sense). The footholds at the top are no bigger than three inches across so there is very little space or room for error. When you walk out on the masts, you are secured but you're walking on a rope with your belly laying over the mast. Now imagine pulling the sails up and down in this position, only moderately terrifying. The triangle sails were on the front spire so to get out there you also had to walk on ropes. When you were looking down, it looked like you were simply just walking on water. I got myself through all of this by telling myself that if I fell, I would just get to go swimming, another thing that I love to do. There were a few times when we stopped for swimming breaks. The water in limfjorden streams in through the North Atlantic so it is next to freezing. Being brave (and from Minnesota) I would spend about twenty minutes in the water each time. Most people would jump in, swim to the ladder and get right back out. One of our team leaders climbed out to the first mast and jumped from there.

Every day, three people would have to spend the day off the boat because of space reasons. It was a random selection so when my name was called, I almost cried, I didn't want to get off the boat. Regardless, the day was spent in Thisted, laying in the sun and then seeing the city. We went to Cold Hawaii, which is this beach where they hold different surfing championships. When we pulled into the harbor at the end of the day, I was so happy to see LOA (the ship) just docking. I immediately hopped on and helped set buoys and put the ladder out.

The last day Rotary held a graduation ceremony for us. At the end of it I was crying because this was the last time I was going to see my exchange student family all together again. It was hard to say goodbye to everyone, not knowing who I would and wouldn't see again. I can tell you I already miss all of them.

Blæsten går frisk over Limfjordens vande // The wind is fresh over the Limjords water

I wish I had better pictures to show the ship.

There are two more square sails at the top of that tower.

Group pic in our blazers.

Topless tour.

We made the newspaper!


Thursday, June 4, 2015

EuroTour

WARNING: this blogpost is ridiculously long and will make you utterly jealous.

Day 1: I woke up at 4 AM to finish packing and eventually make it to the bus. The drive to Berlin was about ten hours and we arrived just before dinner. As for the majority of the trip, we stayed in a hostel and ate dinner there. The food wasn't very good but the rooms reminded me of a very modern and not-in-the-wilderness summer camp. After dinner, a group of us went exploring and then made it back in time for curfew.


Day 2: Our day started with a bus tour of the city; Berlin has a lot of history so there were many things to see. I can't remember everywhere we stopped but my favorites were the holocaust memorial and the remaining pieces of the Berlin wall. We were only given twenty minutes at each stop so everything was very rushed but the impressions definitely lasted. I do wish I had gotten to walk the entire wall though. We were taken back to the area of our hotel and given free time until dinner. A group of about six of us took the mall to get lunch at the food court. I split off to get typical German fast food: currywurst. The hour we spent eating lunch was also spent trying to teach the Australians and New Zealanders real English. At one point the phrase "its not McNiggets" was yelled and that stuck for the rest of the trip. We did some more wandering and sight seeing before making it back to the hotel for dinner. Afterwards, we got absolutely and fabulously lost looking for a water-pipe bar. We found it and spent an hour there before heading back to the hotel to make curfew. All of the girls in my room were laying in bed, with the door cracked open waiting for someone to come back from using the wifi downstairs , when a group of drunk German men open the door and proceed to yell "guten morgen guten morgen." No sooner did our counselor, who was luckily passing through the hallway, shoo them out.



Day 3: We left straight away in the morning for the Czech border. The drive was split up to make the bus ride feel shorter. Our first stop was a few hours in Dresden to see the castle and eat lunch. Once we continued and got into the Czech countryside, the drive was gorgeous; there were fields upon fields of goldenrod, and seeing actual hills for the first time in nine months was quite the sight. We stopped at Theresienstadt work camp for a tour. Going to a place where masses of people were tortured and died is never a pleasant thing. Throughout the entire tour we were reminded that this was no where near the worst and was only a prison camp, meaning very few Jews passed through there. We continued on, making it into Prague a few hours before dinner. Caitlin, Billie, and I decided to go exploring and found a supermarket. After living in Denmark, and being adjusted to outrageously high prices, being able to buy things for next to nothing was extraordinary. We almost went insane deciding what to buy. Because we were in the suburbs of Prague and hadn't seen how to get anywhere yet, we had a hyggelig night in the hotel.


Day 4: Prague, my favorite city on the trip. I cannot describe how beautiful this city is and how infatuated I was, and continue to be by it. Imagine a fairy tale, now imagine it in real life - that is Prague. Anyways, our first stop was the castle and church sitting on a large hill. I don't remember much of the castle because my memories are focused on the breathlessness I felt looking down over the city. I wish I could explain this better to you but it was truly marvelous. After gazing for longer than socially acceptable, we made our way down through small streets with specialty stores lining each side. We stopped for ice cream and then were taken into the city center with the instruction that we had free time until dinner. Caitlin, Keegan, Billie and I took off to find real Czech food and found ourselves overlooking the city center from a second story restaurant. After lunch, we did a little more walking around before getting in on eastern European prices and going shopping. I bought way more than I should have, but with those prices, I'm lucky I didn't go completely overboard. Back to hotel - dinner - free time. The girls and I got all dressed up and headed back into the city to enjoy ice cream next to the river, with a spectacular view of the castle.



Day 5: Leaving Prague after only two days was like leaving a candy store and only buying one small chocolate. The day was mostly spent on the bus, arriving in Vienna during midafternoon. We visited the summerhouse, or should I say summer palace, of the royal family and then headed back to the hotel for dinner and free time.





Day 6: Our day started out with a walking tour, although I don’t remember seeing anything too exciting. Perhaps this was because the weather was gloomy or because coming from Prague, it is a tough comparison. During free time I actually headed back to the hotel for a nap. After dinner, Georgia, Daisy and I went exploring trying to find what we thought was a night market. Turns out there was a mistranslation and it was a regular market and closed at regular times. Afterwards, we pondered through Vienna’s streets finding cozy places to sit.




Day 7: Our drive through the Austrian landscape was incredible. We were going through mountains and overlooking glorious valleys. Crossing into Italy, the landscape didn’t change for about an hour and then all of a sudden it was just flat. No hills, no valleys, completely flat. Shortly after we made it to Lido di Jesolo, a group of us had our swimsuits on and were running down to the beach. Considering that Minnesota is very landlocked, and the water surrounding Denmark is freakishly cold, I have very limited experience with ocean swimming. Everyone laughed at me as I blundered about in the waves and childishly ran about. Regardless, this is one of my favorite memories from the trip. Dinner was at the hotel and afterwards one of the local nightclubs had invited our group to attend and alcohol free event with people our own age. When we arrived, we were literally surrounded by twelve year olds. Needless to say, everyone quickly left and flocked towards the beach.

Day 8: Our destination was Venice, the city on the water. With the weather still looking gloomy, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Luckily, the rain washed away any fish smell and we were able to buy cheap umbrellas from sketchy looking men. I did not go on a gondola ride but I did spend the day wandering in and out of mask shops, pizzerias, and found myself a cannoli. When we got back to Lido di Jesolo, Keegan and I braved the cold weather and went for a swim. Swimming in Minnesota isn’t always warm so I adjust easily to the water. Keegan on the other hand is from New Zealand and he lasted about ten minutes before coming down with the shivers. After dinner, I took a long walk on the beach at dusk. This was just what I needed to reflect and debrief from the past week.


Day 9: By Danish law, our bus driver is entitled to a full day without driving after a certain number of days. This meant that we had a full day in Lido to spend however we pleased. With the weather still being grim, and Lido being a beach town, there wasn’t too much to do. Being exchange students, we made the best of it. Right after breakfast, we headed down to the beach, braving the rain and wind, and swam for a good half an hour. We dried off and hung out at the hotel for the majority of the day. In the afternoon, almost everyone went swimming, although very few stayed in the water. After dinner, our counselors had told us to prepare a ‘talent’ to show the entire group. My room decided to do the cinnamon challenge. None of us lasted very long and I had a sore throat for the two days after.
Day 10: We took of early for Verona, arriving just around eleven. Keegan, Billie, and I enjoyed the Italian lifestyle and basked in the sun as we ate gelato and some kind of bread pizza sandwich. We didn’t try to find Juliette’s balcony because none of us were too interested in it. We took off again after lunch and arrived in San Remo for dinner. Our tour guide got lost going to the hotel so we walked up this ginormous hill before realizing we were on the wrong side of town. The rest of the evening was spent running around the hotel and sleeping.

Day 11: We drove along the coast for an hour or two before arriving in Monaco. The city was beautiful but expensive. We ate lunch and then climbed a hill to get into the old town and overlook the harbor. Words cannot describe the view so I will just leave it for the pictures to explain. We continued on and arrived in Avignon midafternoon. Our hostel had a pool and the sun was shining so everyone was in the water or getting a tan. We even had speakers and beach balls to play with; all we needed was a grill and some hot dogs and it would have been a real pool party. That night, a group of about twenty of us took a walk down to the river and spent about two hours playing games, dancing and singing.

Day 12: The first stop of the day was to Pont du Gard, an ancient roman aqueduct. I can now say I have been to the largest, still existing, world heritage site. After about two hours, we were brought back into Avignon for free time. Avignon is a city built inside a fortress and there decent shopping. For lunch we got crepes that were about three fourths the length of my arm. Afterwards, the girls I was with decided we wanted to give the boys makeovers so we spent our free time helping theme find clothes that would best compliment their features. We were taken back to the hotel for dinner and afterwards were given a pop quiz about Denmark, the trip, and Justin Bieber. My team came in second and we all won a can of pringles.


Day 13: This was a long day on the bus; we didn’t have any cities to separate the drive between Avignon and Paris, only stops to pee and eat. Not only that, but the night prior three boys were caught drinking and needed to be taken to the airport to be sent back to Denmark. When we were all giving them our goodbyes, the mood on the bus was depressing. Not only were we saying goodbyes to friends, but for me personally it hit home that I am going to leave soon. Anyways, we arrived at the hotel around eight and were shortly brought to dinner. French meals last for ages so we weren’t given any free time that night.

Day 14:  We were out the door and on a river cruise as quickly as the tour guides could make us go. The river cruise was very beautiful and towards the end we were attacked by Asian tourists trying to take pictures with us. At first it was hilarious and then they got rowdy and pushy, so by the time we got off the boat, we were relieved to be free. Afterwards, we took the train to… DISNEYLAND! It was magical; it was a walk through my childhood. The only problem I had was that the lines are too long. I mean seriously, who wants to wait 45 minutes for a ride that lasts thirty seconds? The best part of the day was the fireworks/light show at the end. The entire castle was lit up and playing scenes from various Disney movies. Again, one of my favorite memories.



Day 15: We were given the entire day free in Paris. Our first stop was the Louvre, and obviously we headed straight towards the Mona Lisa. I can truly say she is disappointing and it is not worth it to push through the crowds of tourist just to catch a glimpse. Anyways, I have recently read the Da Vinci code so seeing all of the points and paintings that are referenced in the book was thrilling. Afterwards, Allie, Billie and I broke off and ate lunch at an upbeat healthy restaurant thing. We then continued on to Notre Dame with plans of going to the catacombs afterwards. The line to get into the catacomb stretched around multiple blocks so we ended up going back to the hotel for a quick rest. Our dinner was magical; we had a picnic under the Eiffel Tower. There are men that try to sell you wine, beer and other things as you sit so we played a game where every time one of them came up to us we had to say no in a new way. At one point, I threw a full cup of soda at them. Shortly after, a man came up to tell us we were beautiful and have a conversation. Somewhere along the way, he mentioned he and his friend had been incarcerated for drug trafficking and shooting someone. We left very quickly after that. At dusk we met up with one of our counselors at the tallest tower in Paris to see the city from above. While it didn’t have the romanticism that the top of the Eiffel Tower would have, it did have a view of the Eiffel Tower and it was magical.






Day 16: From Paris to Brussels! I am thankful I didn’t go to Belgium on exchange because all I did in the few hours there was eat. First was a waffle, next Belgian fries (French fries are actually Belgian), then lots and lots of chocolate. We were taken to an area where there wasn’t too much to do and then given a small tour of the city. From Brussels to Doorwerth, a small city outside of Amsterdam with very little to do. When I say very little, I mean there is a supermarket that closes at six and a park. We wandered around, played ninja, practiced our street pole dancing, and played pool.


Day 17: The last city on the trip: Amsterdam. We were given a boat tour and then cut loose until five. While looking for an outdoor market, Billie, Allie, and I accidentally stumbled into the red light district. It was completely unmarked; it was like all of a sudden women with very little clothing were standing in a window. A little bit shocking, but rather interesting. We spent the rest of the day doing some shopping, finding treasures, and eating. When we got back to the hotel, we were the only residents. This was perfect considering it was our last night together. The counselors arranged for us to play charades and have snacks, but the rest of the time was ours. We stayed up until two or three playing games in the lobby.

Day 18: The long dreaded drive back to Denmark. By far the longest driving day because there were no city stops, only driving. Getting home, I thought I would be relieved by having personal space and my own shower but I was completely wrong. I actually felt lonely. There was no one there to cuddle with or talk to when going to bed. I cannot wait to be back together with everyone on Sunday.